The Bitch

Versão da crônica "A cachorra" de Leonardo Chacra

I had a girlfriend named Adriana that punched me. Yes, she was very jealous. But that wasn't her only feature. She also liked animals, dogs. Her green eyes couldn't see or know about any animal (wild or pet) suffering.

She suffered when she saw an abandoned dog. She would make me stop in the middle of the road to get a dog in the shoulder. And she hit me. She would listen to my messages on her cell phone, watch me all the time.

 Those green watery eyes and that pretty little nose that looked like as if it was taken from a Japanese manga were only love and affection to dogs.

 Well, for me it was all trouble. She fought boxing, sometimes with me. 

One day there was a beggar walking near FAAP selling two mutt puppies.

"Leo, for God's sake, let's pay what he asks! This man is an alcoholic! Look how he treats these two little creatures! He puts them in a shoe box. They are cold, hungry, thirsty."

So we took the two puppies to the beach, to Juquehy. Gil, a waitor in my restaurant, was thrilled when he found out that Adriana had given one of the puppies to a client, an American jazz musician.

"There's a female still, do you want her?"

Gil looked at that valley girl from FAAP with green eyes and a snub nose and thought he was making a great deal. He was a rascal that worked in my restaurant on the weekends and studied in Santos, where he had a wife, during the week.

When he came to Juquehy he'd stay in a place that was sort of a inn or a boarding house. He was already thinking about how much he would sell that puppy in Santos.

"What breed is it?" asked Gil getting the dog from Adriana's hands.

"Breed?" asked one of the cooks.

"That's a mutt!" And all around laughed at Gil.

On the next day, the American musician's wife came to bring the male puppy back. Then she yelled at Adriana and left. Luckily we found him a new home with the beverage supplier.

"My daughter will love it! What is it called?"

"It's called Leo" laughed Dri.

Then we went to São Paulo without the two puppies. Mission accomplished! We had found two homes for two orphan dogs.

 Can you believe that someone in São Paulo called Adriana to say that the female dog had been seen in the beach?

"Well, it's late now. It's three in the morning. We can check that out tomorrow." I tried.

Adriana is very sweet with dogs, but with those who mistreat them...look out below! She got the number of the boarding house Gil was staying at and called. The owner answered the phone. She was a lady around 50 something.

 "Hello."

"Is Gil there?"

"Yes, he must be in the bedroom."

Gil had already told the owner of the boarding house about his wife in Santos. If she calls, tell her I'll call her back later.

 "Is the bitch in the room?!" asked Adriana already changed.

 "There's no bitch in the bedroom, lady." The owner of the inn thought she was calming Adriana down, but that sounded quite the opposite to the animals protector.

"How come the bitch is not there?"

 "It isn't."

"But did you check if she's really not there?"

 "Look lady, Gil is a fine man, he never brought any bitches here."

 "He didn't? So, where is the bitch? I'll kill him! You go into his room and see if the bitch is there!"

 "Look lady, now you've crossed the line! I've already told you that there's no bitch and never was. It's very late, so if you do mind, I'll hang up now."

 "No, you won't! You're going to jail with Gil!"

"Jail? Me? You should put the bitch in jail, not me!"

 "Arrest the bitch? You crazy?! No one touches that bitch until I get her!"

 "But I'm telling you there's no bitch!"

"You're an accomplice of this criminal!"

 "Ok, now it was too much. Good night." And hung up the phone.

 "Son of a bitch! She hung up the phone and unplugged it! It's your fault, Leo!"

"My fault? No. You're the one who didn't explained it to her. She must've thought it was a bitch."
 "But it is a bitch! You moron! Asshole!"
 "But not a bitch, a woman!"
 "Of course not!" Suddenly Adriana lowered her arms. I think it had sunk in. She shrugged and pretended she hadn't understood.
 "Leo, you fool!"

 Oh my! She really spanked me that night. I swear I had always been faithful, had spent a lot of money buying those two orphan puppies.

  Matilde, that's the name of that mutt puppy that was found in Barra do Sahy, a beach 3,7 miles from Juquehy. Gil was taken from the restaurant one day by the women police and never came back. It seemed he had broken his girlfriend's finger.

It's been around 8 years since Adriana left me. Now it's me and her. Matilde, is lying here by my feet while I write this story and tonight she's going to sleep in my bed because it's too damn cold.

 Adriana got married. But until today once in a while she gives me call.

 "How is she? Are taking good care of her?"

Actually, Matilde takes care of me better that I take care of her. But, am I nuts to tell that to Adriana?

 "She's great. Always asks when you'll come visit."

"Send her a kiss and say that yes, I'll come soon."

"Matilde! Mom says she'll come to see you soon. She sent you a kiss too, Adriana."

Human beings can be so crazy sometimes. Well, I'm taking Matilde for a walk. Bye. Off we go.